Who am I really? And why do I need to know right now?

I’m on this journey of finding myself (who isn’t?) and I always feel like I’m so close to figuring me out, and then BAM! Life says, “Just kidding!” On my way, I have worn too many hats to keep track of. I’ve been an athlete, a stoner, a musician, a groupie, a hippie, a bible banger, a Hindu, a goth freak, a weight lifter, a nerdy bookworm, and on and on. It used to really bother me that I have played all of these different characters. Until I realized that it was actually a good thing! And that I wasn’t just a character, I was who I was at that time!

We’re all just trying to figure ourselves out. Every day we learn more about what makes us tick, what makes us energized and excited and what makes us want to just throw in the towel.

I spent a good year studying Hindu. In fact, Om Nimah Shivaya is tattooed across my back. People often ask me if I regret that particular tattoo. The answer is no, because it was a wonderful part of my transformation. It was a part of who I was and it was essential to what I needed at that time in my life. “Hey Laura, wanna come to that concert tonight?” “I can’t. I have yoga”. I also have Bible Scriptures and Chinese words tattooed on me. Each one is symbolic of who I was at that point in my journey. It does not define the “type” of person I am. Why do we have to be a type? Can’t we just…be?

I also spent a good year wearing only black. Black lipstick, black hair, black everything. I thought I was more “Angelina Jolie circa 2000”, but I was actually more Wednesday Addams. Anyways, little did I know that two years later I would find God and become a born again Christian. The two “identities” do not have to be mutually exclusive. Although some of us are taught that they are. It’s the flow of life. It’s change and growth. It’s spiritual and emotional enlightenment that happens at certain intervals in life and sometimes when we least expect it, there’s a road block and we’re forced to try a new path. And that’s ok!

Times are constantly changing and there’s nothing we can do about it. How are we expected not to change or grow? Why are we all in such a hurry to find ourselves? Because we want the perfect life. We want the ultimate happiness so desperately. But dammit, nothing is perfect and I’d much rather enjoy every moment of my flaw filled life than trying to force myself to be something I’m not. Life’s a journey, not a destination, right? (Thanks Steven Tyler). So why is it so hard to just sit back and enjoy this adventure that we’re on? And we’re all on it, even if we think we have it mastered. We are constantly discovering new things about ourselves. That is a wonderful thing! Stop putting so much pressure on yourself! If you’re in a spiritual place, embrace it! If you’re in a musical place, cherish it. Enjoy every single phase of this beautiful life!

The truth is, I’m still a combination of many things. I’m a writer now, I love anything Bohemian and I still love Jesus and sports and books and all kinds of music. I am still many things. And they all make me…ME! So let’s not be so quick to judge someone who wears all black. Let’s not be so eager to discover what we THINK is our truest self or what we WANT to be our truest self. Your truest self is happening right now. Be who you are, right now. Be many things. Be everything. Be all things YOU.


3 thoughts on “Who am I really? And why do I need to know right now?”

  1. In a very rough period in the 90’s I wrote this. Your post made me dig it up.
    “Sometimes I think to myself,
    maybe there really isn’t a Destination…
    and I don’t mean that in an unfortunate way.
    I am completely content with that kind of a theory.
    Just as long as the Journey continues forever…
    it would be such a waste of time if the Journey ended,
    and you were only half way to Something”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know. Its hard not to, but in the end, there isn’t one. We should focus on the journey and enjoy every much of it as we can. Good and bad.

        Liked by 1 person

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