I have told myself I would quit drinking many times. The night I went to jail, I was done. The night I broke my collarbone, the night I was sexually assaulted, the night I threw a glass into a cement wall outside of a bar and all the mornings I woke up naked, on the… Continue reading I gave up drinking for Lent. Here’s what happened…
It has been a really long time since I’ve felt authentic. I was slapped in the face with the realization that too many of my human interactions involve seeking approval or validation from other people. So many people have told me, more than once, that I care too much what other people think. I’ve always… Continue reading Approval seeking was slowly killing me.
Driving home from work, I suddenly grew emotional over the question…”why?” It brought me back to when my dad passed away, almost 20 years ago and I found myself stuck on that one word. WHY? It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense and everything was unfair. I think after a few years, I just sort… Continue reading When you don’t know why.
I just need to keep walking away from all of it. The pain, in which there is no end in sight. The betrayal. The constant obsessing over images I’ve conjured up in my mind about what was going on behind closed doors. The agony. The patheticness of blaming myself and asking what I should have… Continue reading Ramblings of my broken heart.
Do you remember what your life was like before you let society tell you what it should be like? Before you let anyone judge you for how you dress, or what you look like; the things you enjoy or the people you associate with? I often have these beautiful moments of memories that pop into… Continue reading To be that little girl again.
I love to stay at home. I loved it a lot more when I had a choice though. This pandemic has changed so much for so many. Income loss, worsened depression and anxiety, longing to be touched again, missing our friends and family; all of this combined with the paralyzing fear that we might get… Continue reading The big picture.
A few days ago, I woke up in a funk that I haven’t felt in months. I felt dread from the moment I opened my eyes. I was surrounded by doom. I started to visualize the dark shadows of depression and anxiety swirling around in my room. I peeked out my window in hopes of… Continue reading Letters to burn
“How many times do I need to promise that I won’t hurt you? You can trust me!”. If only I had a dollar for every time I needed to hear that. “I just need you to say it!”. Sometimes I would practically spell it out, just to be clear on what I was asking for… Continue reading Overcoming insecurity and the trust trap.
I remember the day he walked out of my house and slammed the door. I sat on my kitchen floor, sobbing hysterically and begging, screaming for him to come back. He was the one who broke the trust. He was the one who never respected my boundaries or put to rest my insecurities. And yet,… Continue reading A grateful heart.
“You don’t choose bad people. You choose people. How they decide to treat you is their responsibility, not yours.” Wise words from my therapist last week. I’ve been dwelling on these words and hoping to find some truth in there. Hoping to believe it. When I moved away to a different state at 19, I was… Continue reading False portrayals.