It’s fine. I’m fine.

This is it. This is the big one. It’s happening. This is where it all ends. I set my alarm a half hour earlier today because lately, every morning some strange phenomenon prevents me from being on time. That was pointless. I should know by now that if I set my alarm early, that gives…

Unclean. An uncomfortable discussion.

I really wanted this “loop” to be about positivity and happiness. I had a few things in mind. But between this being Sexual Assault Survivors Month and putting together an outline for a book about the assault, the torment is taking over. I can’t escape the thoughts and I have decided to go back to therapy…

Under construction.

I need to drop some dead weight. Lately I feel like I am being weighed down by too many things that don’t serve me well. I think I’ve made too many lifestyle changes in the past few weeks and it has all caught up to me. I switched my birth control method which has left…

Puppy love.

I have despised all canines for over thirty years. I was bit when I was about nine years old. I was on my way home when some neighborhood kids told me to come check out their dog. I reached out my hand to pet it and the next thing I know, I’m being dragged by…

Spiritual warfare.

I spent an hour looking for a meme that I could post to express my anger about all the hate being spewed on social media. I couldn’t find one because they all seemed so mean-spirited and that would just make me a hypocrite. Which sucks because I honestly feel that most of the people who…

Power struggles.

Last night I ran into someone that I hadn’t seen in a while. I knew I would be running into him and I was hesitant because the last time I heard from him, he was bad mouthing me. It hurt back then, especially because I thought we were friends. But, I figured he would be…

Even when I lose it. (Dear boyfriend)

Dear boyfriend, I don’t know how you do it. The Sunday before Christmas, I realized I was out of my anxiety medication. So, Monday, I emailed my doctor and another doctor in case mine was out of town. I didn’t get a response.  I wasn’t in panic mode yet. I figured someone would get back…

All I want for Christmas is for it to be over.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Or not. It should be. I get that. But for me, I just can’t wait for it to be over. There are a million reasons to celebrate, but I’m crying more than ever. I’ve had more panic attacks in the last two weeks than I have all…

Triggered.

There is a word that has become quite popular in the past two years. It’s a word that is the main theme in many of my articles, mainly “The Lingering Effects of Assault”. The word is “trigger” and if you’re a survivor of assault or have PTSD, if you’ve been the victim of a sex…

No, I didn’t let myself go. I just let go.

I make fun of myself a lot. I do that because it makes me feel better about the things I’m insecure about. And because I don’t want anyone to really know that I’m insecure about it because that just makes me look insecure. Anyways, in recent weeks, I’ve gained a few pounds. OK, more than…