Everyone has a breaking point. That moment when you know, enough is enough. You’re afraid and you know that making a change is going to hurt like hell, but you also know, without a doubt, that a change has to be made. There’s no turning back.
So often we tell ourselves that things will get better; he/she will change. Sometimes we even convince ourselves that we’re overreacting. But then comes that one time, that one wrong word or that one wrong move that sends you over the edge and you instantly realize that you are done.
I like to joke about this moment of clarity and call it the “Wrath of Chaka Khan” because let’s face it, she’s a bad ass. And also because I listen to “I’m Every Woman” regularly to remind myself that I’ve got this.
One of my closest friends was in a toxic relationship for about 5 years. He was wonderful to her in the beginning, but once they were married, he started to show his true colors. He was very narcissistic and he loved to put her down and make her feel worthless. All of her attention had to be focused on him and she was responsible for making sure he was her top priority at all times, even after they had a child. Her self-esteem took a huge hit and she eventually decided to just deal with it. “It is what it is”, she would say. She felt so disregarded and low, that she actually started to believe that she had no choice but to stay, because no one else would want her. She was miserable.
Those that love her knew how unhappy she was and couldn’t understand why she would stay in such a negative environment. He would blame all of their problems on her. She would just sit back and take it.
One day, she discovered that he was being unfaithful. She had her suspicions, but now she had solid proof and that was all she wrote. That was her breaking point. She had put up with the disrespect long enough, but this brought it to a whole new level. And she was done.
It was rough. There were days she didn’t know how she could make it on her own. There were days she thought life was just over. She would never be happy again. She would joke about being the cat lady. She didn’t know that her story was really just beginning.
Now I am watching her evolve into this beautiful woman who knows her worth! I am in awe of her strength and compassion. Every day she amazes me with how far she has come. She didn’t think she would ever find her happy place, but now she knows that she is well on her way. She will never again settle for being mistreated. She has boundaries now and if you cross them, she knows she has the power within her to walk away, and not look back. Sometimes she asks “what took me so long?” but no one can answer that but her. We all have our own time frames.
When your head is telling you to run but your heart just isn’t ready, it’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up. The time will come, when you just know. And once you’re done, you’re done. Letting go is easier when you know that it is time. You just simply have reached your limit. Game over. It might be something that was said to you, maybe he/she was unfaithful or maybe he just looked at you the wrong way. There will come a time, when your head and your heart are on the same page and you are just….ready.
One of my favorite quotes is, “When you get to the end of all the light you know, and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. Either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly”. I repeat this to myself whenever I carry doubt. It is so true.
So be gentle with yourself. Someday, you’ll run in the other direction and not feel the need to look back. Someday you’ll just start smiling because you realize, you did it! You took the leap of faith. You’re only going forward from here on out and whatever is waiting up ahead for you may not be perfect, but it is way better than where you were before.