Throughout my life, I have gained and lost many friendships. Each situation is different. People grow apart, people change, priorities shift and sometimes people are just shitty. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been that shitty person. But I always end up taking away more from a lost friendship, than I had gained while I still had it.
Let me explain.
I used to blend in. I used to do whatever it took to be a part of the group. I remember one instance in high school when a girl in the popular click convinced me to bully another girl and I did it, to be liked. I can honestly say that I still regret that to this day. It’s something that haunts me. Especially because I knew all too well what it felt like to be bullied. How could I do that to someone else? Well, I did it. A few years ago I reached out to this person on Facebook and apologized. That felt good. But it still bothers me. I knew better. I don’t take pleasure in hurting people.
I finally moved away from the “click” that I so desperately wanted to be a part of and that’s when I discovered what true friendship really is. My first true friend was Mandy. I will always consider her my true BFF. (Yes, I’m 40 and I say BFF). She taught me that not all people are bad. She taught me that some people really can be trusted with my secrets and she taught me that not everyone will judge me. I can be myself and still be loved. She was the first friend I could call in the middle of the night. These days, I don’t see her as much as I would like to, but I know she is ALWAYS there for me. And she taught ME how to be a true friend as well. She knows I am always there for her and I love her no matter what.
When I was going through my divorce, I became close with women who were going through the same thing or who had already been through it. It was what I needed. When I lost my dad, I made some unexpected friendships and again, it was just what I needed.
People are placed in our lives at the perfect time. There’s an expression about people being in your life for a reason or a season and I absolutely believe that. The universe is constantly providing us with what we need, whether we see it or not. I’ve made friends with people who are harsh and bold, because I needed direction and a “no nonsense” approach. I’ve made friends with Christians, because I needed God in my life. And I’ve made friends with partiers because I needed adventure. I always seem to find just what I need.
The same can be said for losing friendships too. Though we may not understand at the time, why a friendship had to end, I truly believe there are greater forces at work. And if we can be patient, I think the answers will come.
I was sad about a lost friendship. It’s a very sad thing! I felt confused and even shocked. I felt guilt. I wasn’t the perfect friend. I tried to be, but it was a battle with my conscience that I just couldn’t win. As I was venting to someone, I was asked “ok, but what was the value that she brought to your life? What did you lose, that you are so upset about?” and it really made me think. There was fun and laughter. But there was also drama and secrets. There was a lot of questioning myself and my morals. There was a lot of weight on my shoulders. And then, just like that, the weight was gone.
Losing friendships is painful, but if we dig deep enough, I think we are capable of learning even more about ourselves and finding the hidden treasure. We are capable of becoming better people and learning from our mistakes. There is always a reason. Sometimes good things come to us in strange ways. Sometimes we lose our way. It might take a while to figure out the reason, but one day, you’ll just know. Just like I know now. Some people come into our lives just when we need them. And some leave when their work on you is done. We are constantly a work in progress. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes.
Just trust it.