Being insecure means constantly explaining yourself. It’s the need for validation and reassurance. It’s wanting approval and justifying every move you make. It’s panic when you feel like you’ve let someone down or maybe you didn’t say the right thing. It’s desperately seeking acceptance. But mostly, it’s just exhausting.
Being the people-pleaser that I am, I have found myself explaining my decisions to a lot of people. Even people who have no business knowing my business. I want everyone to like me. I want everyone to understand why I did what I did, or why I said what I said. In the middle of all this self-doubt and eagerness to please, I find that I am completely draining myself of all the good things I’ve worked so hard for. As the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. So, every so often, I need to take a step back and remind myself that I too, deserve to be full. Full of life, full of excitement, full of self-worth and confidence and full of love. I can’t be any of those things if I’m consumed with wondering what someone might think!
I don’t need to explain myself anymore. I make my own choices. Some turn out to be mistakes (aka, lessons) and some make me wonder why I didn’t move sooner. But the choices are mine. The lessons are mine. The wonderful memories I create and the difficult decisions I make are all mine. I might not make sense to everyone, but that’s ok, because I am growing from every right and wrong turn. Just like everyone else, I am learning as I go and trying to find what makes me feel the most like me. I am finding my freedom. And for me, the most significant truth about freedom is being fully and unapologetically myself. Its’s refusing to let the opinions of others affect me. It’s knowing that what anyone else thinks of me is really none of my business.
I can try all day to make everyone around me happy but there will always be someone who I just can’t win with, no matter what I do. That is life. That is people. So instead of breaking my bones to fit inside someone’s little box of perception, I’m choosing to stand tall with my arms wide open. No longer will the weight of judgment hold me down. It’s too heavy of a burden. No longer will I apologize for how I feel or who I am. No more explaining. I’d rather spend my time loving all the people who belong in my life. The ones who love me and support me, they are the flowers in my garden. The weeds need to go.
We get one shot at life. Why not make every single moment count? Why waste time with worry and obsessing when you could be making memories and creating a legacy that you and your loved ones can be proud of? I don’t want to look back one day and think “I should have”. I want to look back and think “I did that! I went for it!” So, when you find yourself worrying what people might think or wanting to constantly explain yourself, remember that this life is yours and it is as good as you make it. You call the shots. Do what makes YOU happy. Find your freedom.