Spiritual warfare.

I spent an hour looking for a meme that I could post to express my anger about all the hate being spewed on social media. I couldn’t find one because they all seemed so mean-spirited and that would just make me a hypocrite. Which sucks because I honestly feel that most of the people who participate in name-calling and hurting people are being hypocritical. Every day I see posts from Christians that are so filled with hate, I can’t even comprehend it. People I love and care about referring to other people I love and care about as diseased, libtards (which is so horribly offensive), rightwing nutjobs, racist, etc. And I’ll admit, I’ve been sucked in to the commentary on several occasions, which left me feeling like I was suckered in to some evil game. Who am I to be so offended, when I think such bad thoughts about those who do all the offending? The more I thought about it, the more I knew that Satan has hand in this. So, I decided I would write about it instead and hopefully convey my thoughts without offending anyone, which I’m quite sure is impossible. I’m going to offend people. But that’s ok, because God warned me about that.

Spiritual Warfare is real y’all. It has become so evident in my personal life lately. Every step I take closer to God, the devil tries to pull me back. I became a Christian in 2003 and at times have been on fire for God and other times I’ve been freezing cold. I’ve spent many nights praying and reading my bible, and many nights acting as if I’ve never even heard of God. I would say over the past 15 years, I have spent most of my time “lukewarm”. It’s a constant battle. Good vs. evil, leading a life that is pleasing to God vs. living a life that is pleasing to me, feeling ashamed vs. feeling uplifted.

There has been a tugging at my heart over the last few months. I felt compelled to reach out to my friends who are believers and talk to them about their church. One text I sent to a friend simply said, “I need Jesus in my life”. I was compelled to reach out to someone who I never really considered a friend, in fact, we were more like enemies, but I reached out and now we spend time together and even talk about God. I noticed on Facebook that she is interested in going to a Women’s Retreat in September and I instantly felt this warm connection to God. Like, “oh ok God, now I see what you’re up to!” and it felt wonderful. My boyfriend and I started praying together. I’ve been reading scripture and listening only to K-Love on the radio. When I exercise, my Pandora station is set to Christian Pop. My new favorite band is “for King and Country”. I find new inspiration every day.

The devil hates it. Sometimes he comes at me in the form of jealousy. Usually he attacks me with insecurity. His voice trying to convince me that I’m not good enough. He tells me that I shouldn’t trust anyone and I’m not worthy of being loved. He tries to stir up unnecessary drama. He causes fights. He keeps me awake at night. He tells me I’m fat and old. He says I’m not fun and people don’t like me. He makes me feel like a bad mom. He gives me worry, panic and anxiety that can be so overwhelming at times, I can’t breathe, I can’t talk. But no matter what, I can pray.

When I speak the name of Jesus; when I pray, my fear melts away. It’s so hard to do, but sometimes I can give Him all my worries and I know that everything is in His hands. His timing is always perfect and when I can truly feel that, I am overcome with hope. He has so much in store for me. I’ve been saved for 15 years and yet I hear His voice telling me that He is just getting started. He heals my old wounds. He reminds me that He loves me in the most powerful way imaginable. And His love alone, is enough to get me through anything that Satan throws in my direction. Satan reminds me that I am such a sinner. But then I pray, and God tells me that the blood of Jesus washed all of that away.

We are all part of this spiritual warfare. I see it in my own life and I see it every time I open social media. I don’t consider myself aligned with any political party because both sides seem to be driven by hate. It hurts me to see it. It’s wonderful to have an opinion but do we have to constantly bash someone who doesn’t agree with us? Do we have to throw insults around like small talk? Does God really love one side more than the other? Why do we need to even pick sides? The only side I want to be on is God’s. And I’m confident that if I go on Facebook and trash talk people, that doesn’t please Him. I have had to remove people from my life, people I used to look up to as Christians, because they choose to lead with hate in their hearts and that’s not a path I will follow. That is not the path Jesus spoke about.

Full disclosure: I don’t know the bible very well. I haven’t read it cover to cover. I’ve studied many parts of it but honestly, when a certain scripture is weighing on my heart, I usually use google to find it. And I sin, a lot. I have talked trash. I still get caught up in the drama of social media. I will repent and then continue to fail. God already knows all of this. God knows all of me. And He still loves me and tells me that I am never beyond forgiveness. I am a work in progress. As we all are.

And so, I’m going to continue praying. I’m praying that my desire to get closer to God continues to grow. I’m praying that God continues to place people in my path, like He did this morning, who will encourage my spiritual growth. I’m praying for a soft heart, filled with good intention. I’m praying that God will lead me towards living a life that pleases Him. I’m praying God will use me as a light and a vessel. I’m praying that instead of insulting people and filling pages with hate, we start to see that all that negativity is the work of an evil force, not a loving God. I’m praying that we can look past our differences and just be kind. I’m praying that when I see something that enrages me, I can hold my tongue. I’m praying for unwavering trust in Him, even when it hurts. I’m praying for guidance and discernment. I’m praying that you not only know how loved you are, but that you also feel His presence and His arms wrapped around you when you need Him the most.

In Jesus’ name, I am praying.