My Marine called me today. It’s 2 am where he is stationed. It’s noon here and I’m at work. I can tell he’s had a few drinks but he’s back in the barracks and going to bed so I can breathe a little easier. As we were about to hang up, we were both talking at the same time and I started feeling a bit anxious about making sure I can get in all my “I love you’s”. Before I even said mine, he spoke up a bit louder and simply said “love you mom”. I started to fall apart before I could even hit “end call”.
My son has never been afraid to tell me he loves me, even in his teenage years when his buddies were around. In fact, every single time we would leave each other, even to run to the grocery store, we would not part without “I love you bud” and “love you too mom”. It has always been our special little thing. I’m sure we both have our reasons for making sure that it never is left unsaid. Just four little words that carry all the weight in the world. It’s almost unbelievable that just a few words can hold so much power.
I miss him terribly so I can understand why I fell apart. But sometimes the words just sneak up on me and take my breathe away. Sometimes it feels like an emotional overload. I wipe my tears and try to banish all the worrisome thoughts from my mind. Then I just meditate on love. The love between a mom and her son. I can physically feel it in my heart. Sometimes I wonder if my heart might explode. Sometimes I feel love so much it makes me nauseous as crazy as that sounds. My first born showed me what love really is. It’s on a level of its own. It’s incomprehensible.
I am reminded that none of the things I’ve been worrying about even matter. I have one son safe at home and one halfway around the world. They are okay. They’re going to be okay. They have never and will never question my love for them. I am simply their “mom” and when I hear them say that 3 letter word, everything stops. I am their mom. I did it. And every time they add “love you” to the “mom” it becomes the ultimate gift. I did it. I may not have achieved the success that I hoped for or followed all my dreams. But that’s okay. Today I heard my son say, “love you mom” and I know that every twist and turn was going in the right direction. I am blessed beyond measure.