I took the day off today and I feel guilty about that. I shouldn’t. But I do. I woke up this morning and just couldn’t get out of bed. My body is so tired. Working two jobs is kicking my butt. I love both of my jobs and I’m finally getting to a place where I’m not living paycheck to paycheck. But it’s hard being away from home so much and missing my son and my puppy.
I laid in bed and contemplated sending that text to my boss. It’s very busy at work and we often feel short staffed as it is. I don’t want to let anyone down or stress anyone out. It’s rare for me to call in sick and technically, I feel like I’m not really “sick”. I’m not coughing or throwing up. But I do think that if someone looked at me the wrong way today, I would fall to the floor in a fetal position and start sobbing and sucking my thumb. So yeah, probably not mentally healthy. So there. I am sick today.
My brain and my heart need this day off. Or maybe I just need one day to dedicate all of my worrying to just one area. Like my boys. One is deployed and the other one is going through so many challenging things that I often feel like we’re both going to completely fall apart at the same time. Doctor appointments, follow ups, second opinions and a lot of parental stalking. The worrying is endless.
So I hit snooze once more and told myself that I deserve this day off to be mental if I need to be, or maybe I just need to sleep or watch the Kardashian’s for a few hours. I need to do whatever I need to do. And I should not feel guilty about that. No one should. We all have so many suitcases to unpack. I bet the majority of us are one event away from having the big one and completely losing our shit.
So, here’s to one day, just one day for my sanity. One day to just be, and feel, and cry or laugh. The worry will creep in but today I don’t have to push it away to seem normal and able to function. Nope. Today I don’t really have to function. I’m going to unfunct myself. I’m not going to stress out about that not being a real word. I’m going to lather up in my lavender oil and give everything that’s not zenful a big F YOU. Not worrying about that fake word either.
Can we just stop feeling guilty about needing time off to embrace our mental? What good can we do for anyone if we’re on edge or anxiety filled? What’s wrong with taking care of our minds? Nothing. Not a damn thing. If we have a sprained ankle we can miss work without the guilt. What if our brain is strained? It’s only the most valuable asset we have to be successful. So why feel guilt or shame for protecting it? We absolutely should not. No more mental guilt. Remove that toxin from your life too. Take a day for YOU to just be YOU.
I feel better already. If you need me, I’ll be watching mindless reality TV and making brownies, if I want to.
3 thoughts on “Getting right. At least for today.”
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