It seems like yesterday I was in my twenties and confident that my life was going to turn out how I had hoped. I was on my way. But then came all the twists and turns and somehow, in the blink of an eye, I found myself nearing the peak of that mountain where I can blame my new tattoos and bangs on a mid-life crisis. And I’m okay with that. One of the treasures about aging is that the older you get, the less you worry about the older you’re getting. The need for approval and people-pleasing diminishes more every year. Sure, there is a lot that I wish I had done differently. But I’m old enough to know that regrets get you nowhere. They teach a lesson, and then you get to choose to do better. We can’t change any of it and with the passing time, hopefully there comes an attitude of “oh well” or “that might be hilarious one day”. We can decide to live with guilt, which only holds us down. Or we can choose to focus on what we can do from here on out, to nourish the soul.
My soul is hungry for the good stuff; the real substance. No longer will a “snack” satiate me. I’ve grown tired of the “quick fix”. It’s very tempting to curb the appetite with instant gratification. There are always voids and empty spaces and we want them occupied now. But maybe it’s time that we decide to no longer accept temporary fillers. That quick fix could keep you satisfied for a short time, but often it wears off and leaves us feeling worse than we did in the first place. I sometimes sit in silence and reflect on my life choices and contemplate change and the areas that need improvement. They call it “soul-searching”. I find that my soul is searching for so much more than what I’ve been settling for. I’m spontaneous and impulsive at times, which has led me to some dark places in order to numb the pain. But pain dissipates eventually. The choices I have made do not. Temporary just isn’t good enough for me anymore. I choose to seek the nourishment that will sustain me always. Hallelujah!
As we grow older and wiser, the toxic patterns become so recognizable. Feelings of inadequacy that have led to attention seeking; loneliness that has you running back to what broke you; insecurity that has made you irrational and fear that has kept you comfortably complacent are all too familiar. Bad choices born from a temporary feeling. So what now? Change is scary as hell! But what’s worse is accepting less than what you deserve just to create some counterfeit happiness. Most of the time, these little “snacks” only end up fueling your self-loathing. Real and lasting growth comes in the moments when we’re willing to make ourselves a little uncomfortable. So get uncomfortable. Decide that you are done repeating history. It’s time to do the things that truly feed your soul.
I’m constantly re-evaluating and learning. I have also had to hit the “reset” button many times. Try, fall down, get up, repeat. But what I whole-heartedly know, is that once we accept that the “quick fix” is no longer serving us, we create space for the permanent nourishment that our souls so desperately crave. And it will look differently for everyone. The wonderment of seeing the world and discovering new places fills me with so much inspiration, joy and serenity. So I am traveling to a tropical paradise for the first time in 19 years. Nature and music revitalize my creativity, so I am planning a few hiking adventures and seeing some concerts. I am learning to say “no”. Or “yes”, if it is good for my soul (I’m talking COMFORT FOOD good). I’m going to do more of the things that make me feel like myself. Things I used to be afraid of that I now see as an opportunity for growth.
But mostly, I’m going to feel good about myself. That’s what feeding your soul does. It makes you feel so good knowing that you are being proactive in your wellbeing. You are reigniting that spark inside of you that may have burned out. You can still live wildly in the moment and make choices that coincide with what you want for the future. You can continually add to your supply of soul food with the things that will always sustain you. Wanting to feel better right now is something we all can relate to. But substituting sustenance with empty calories is never a healthy choice. We deserve good energy. We deserve fierce inner strength. The body, mind and soul deserve to be free from toxins. We deserve rich nourishment in the purest form. We are worthy of the most high quality, sweet tasting, organic, soul feeding nutrients and the main ingredient is always self-love.