Christmas thoughts.

What Jesus means to me…is life. And not just because of the awesome bonus of spending my eternal life with Him in heaven, but also because of the quality of life He gives me here on earth. This has been a year of many obstacles and defining moments that have ultimately brought me closer to Jesus (which is a miracle in itself).  The closer I get to Jesus and the more I know Him, the more baggage I have been able to drop. Most times, when bad things happen, I end up far away from Him. But this year was different. I came face to face with my worst self and mentally and emotionally hit rock bottom. I knew that nothing in this world would give me peace and a life worth living, except for Jesus. 

It feels like I accepted Him all over again, but this time I knew it wasn’t temporary. This time feels very real. And sometimes I swear, I can feel people praying for me. I have been able to replace a very deep self-hatred with a knowing that God didn’t make a mistake with me. If He can forgive me, I can forgive me too, even if it takes a bit longer. When dark thoughts creep in, I imagine Jesus holding me and telling me to lay it down at the cross. It’s a burden not meant for me to carry. When I’m overcome with worry, I pray that I feel that nudge of God telling me to let it go. He has it under control. When enemies come at me, it makes me sad for a bit, but then I open up my daily devotion and I learn that God has prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies. I no longer need to fight back. Not even for my reputation, because suddenly, all I care about is what God thinks of me. 

Jesus means life because He has given me a life worth living. He surprises me every day with little reminders that He is with me. A few weeks ago I was crying over some lost relationships. I turned on K-love and Randi said, “always remember that man’s rejection is God’s protection.” I couldn’t help but smile and thank Jesus. He always shows up. So not only do I love Jesus because of the life I will have with Him one day in heaven, but because of the life He allows me to have here on earth. I have purpose and love and forgiveness in my heart. He calls me to share the good news (best news ever) and He wants me to be free. Free from shame, guilt, envy and anger. How can I be anything but grateful after what Jesus did for me? 

I love Jesus so much it’s weird. I do believe I’m a Jesus Freak, which is so cool. He really has set me free so that I can spend my time pleasing and praising Him, rather than dwelling in the past. The past is gone and each day is a new beginning thanks to Him. What’s behind me no longer matters and what’s in front of me is so exciting. What lives inside me now is worth it all.  

When Lauren Daigle sings “When I don’t belong, Oh you say I am yours. And I believe”, I truly do believe and it gives me a sense of safety and security that I have never had. Life is so good now, because I’m no longer a slave to fear. I am HIS!