For one day, I want you to feel free to say exactly what is on your mind, to whomever you wish, and not give it a second thought. Don’t worry about backlash or an opinion of you. Own it.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel that free all the time? What are we so afraid of?
For me, it starts with wanting to feel loved and accepted. Let’s be honest, we all want that! But for some, it’s like a primal need. So much so, that we push our own feelings aside constantly for the sake of others. We stay silent when we want to scream. We apologize for feeling what we feel.
We want so badly to be validated, but how is that possible when we don’t completely own what we feel ourselves? If we apologize for what we feel, it’s saying we are wrong. When we apologize for how we feel, we are saying “you are right. I am wrong and I should not feel this way.”
But we do. We DO feel that way. And THAT MATTERS!
There are a million occurrences that happen throughout our lives that form who we are deep in our souls. Our insecurities, our over-thinking, our constant worrying, our nervousness, depression and anxiety, it is all there because of the chain of events in your life. The painful trauma that sits on your shoulders day after day, the heartbreaking experience that floats around in your gut that can make you feel physically ill when triggered. You know what I’m talking about, and it is very real. How are we ever supposed to move past something if we’re not allowed to feel our way through it?
I rarely speak my mind and I usually apologize if I do. I’m afraid to make waves. Things have happened to me that have left me desperately wanting to feel like I matter. I’m special and I matter. It comes across as insecurity and doubt. I question things. I am waiting for the worst possible scenario to happen. I don’t want to bother anyone with this. If I do, I will only end up feeling worse about myself, for being this insecure, for my lack of self-esteem. I don’t think anyone really wants to be put down about what they feel. We just want to feel better. We want to feel safe. And we put all of that into the hands of someone who can make us feel crazy and unworthy with only a look.
Our history is what creates all of our wonderful traits too, but we typically don’t have to apologize for those.
I recently read a self-help book that stated that feelings are lies, they are not real. I understand the concept of “we are not what we feel”. I get that. Just because I feel like a loser does not mean I am a loser. BUT – feelings are very real and very powerful. Personally, I’m tired of being sorry for what I feel, because although my feelings are NOT me, they are a part of me and if you love someone, you love all of their parts.
It’s time to own who you are and what makes you, YOU. It’s time we stop apologizing for being too emotional, too needy, too much of anything! We can never be expected to recover from anything if we’re constantly forced to suppress it. Sometimes all we need is just a little reassurance, a hug, an encouraging word. It’s not that hard. We’re not that complicated. It should never feel embarrassing to feel discomfort. The discomfort is bad enough!
Granted, some behavior is over the top and does require an apology. But it should never be a bad thing to have a discussion about what is in your heart. You should never feel ashamed of what is bothering you. You should never feel guilty because you are just too much. You should never apologize for being real. You should never settle for anyone that makes you hold back, in any way.