No love for the haters.

I haven’t written much lately. I guess I haven’t felt inspired. But whenever this happens, I know that if I just give it some time, the universe will speak to me and the words will start flowing again. I write a lot about my journey in finding myself and about trauma and how that has affected me. I try to be uplifting and I truly believe that my purpose in life is to share parts of my past with people who can relate on some level and feel less alone. I want to inspire. Several of my writings have been published and shared thousands of times by people I will never know. The feedback is incredible, and it gives my pain a purpose. But then there are the haters. There are always going to be haters, sadly.

I was warned when my writing took off that there would be some negative feedback, no matter what I wrote about. Like Baby tells Johnny in Dirty Dancing, “You can’t win no matter what you do”. I was warned about the “trolls” as they are called. That’s just the world we live in. I was told I had to have thick skin if I was really going to put it all out there.  I haven’t really felt the need to defend myself in any of the negative comments, even though it stings a bit. I try not to be offended. I know that everyone has a different perspective. But one comment stood out to me. It was a comment on one of my articles about overcoming something that happened when I was younger. I was called a “martyr”. There was more to it, but that is what stuck out to me the most.

For a moment, I questioned myself. Do I really sound like a martyr? Do I come across as if I just want people to feel sorry for me? I know that that is not my intention. But by sharing my stories, does it seem like I’m just looking for sympathy? Like, “look at me, I’ve been through SO MUCH, you have no idea!” Is that how people think? I hope not, because I absolutely know that every single one of us has gone through SO MUCH. My goal is to help and to inspire and to let people know that they are not alone. I shouldn’t have to defend this. But this is where we are at these days. I treasure all the feedback, and that’s what inspires me to continue writing. Just knowing I’ve touched one person makes it all worth it. So why should one comment bother me? It was weighing on me.

Then I opened Facebook and watched a video of Will Smith. His words were exactly what I needed to hear. It was about fault and responsibility. He spoke about how it may not be your fault that something terrible happened to you, or that someone hurt you. But it is for DAMN SURE your responsibility to figure out a way to deal with those traumas and make a life for yourself. It is for DAMN SURE your responsibility to find a way to overcome that pain and build a happy life. He states, “your heart, your life, your happiness is your responsibility alone.” He goes on to state that when you are in victim mode, you are stuck in suffering. The road to power is in taking responsibility for your heart, your life and your happiness. I watched that video 4 times.

It was a gentle reminder for me that what someone may say about me, or write about me, or comment about me should not be used as a factor in my happiness. I alone am responsible for myself. Just because someone disagrees with me or chooses to insult me, or harbors ill will towards me, it’s not my concern and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it anyways. As the saying goes, “what people think of you is none of your business”. Worrying about how you are perceived is a waste of your valuable time and energy. You worry about your happiness, I’ll worry about mine. Mine is the only one I can control, after all.

Constantly seeking approval and validation is a great way to constantly feel offended and worthless. Let’s just stop doing that. Let’s not let one negative opinion ruin our day. Let’s choose to not care what other people think about us. Let’s free ourselves. Every single day is a new beginning, a new chance to create my life in a way that makes me happy. I have no control over anyone else. I can do this world a lot more good by being true to myself and creating my own happiness and healing, rather than believing someone’s false perception. Their negative vibe is on them, not me. It’s not even about me! So yes, I write about bad stuff that has happened to me. But I don’t want sympathy. I am not stuck in victim mode. I am just writing my own story, because it’s a form of therapy for me and it brings me joy if I can help someone. And I know there are people out there who have also gone through it and much worse. But when you start to look past placing the blame and start taking responsibility for your own peace, that is what will clear your path to healing. Not every story is a happy one, but I’m going to use mine for good. Not everyone is going to like what I am about, but that’s none of my business.