It has been a really long time since I’ve felt authentic. I was slapped in the face with the realization that too many of my human interactions involve seeking approval or validation from other people. So many people have told me, more than once, that I care too much what other people think. I’ve always… Continue reading Approval seeking was slowly killing me.
Do you remember what your life was like before you let society tell you what it should be like? Before you let anyone judge you for how you dress, or what you look like; the things you enjoy or the people you associate with? I often have these beautiful moments of memories that pop into… Continue reading To be that little girl again.
A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was back in my hometown in Upper Michigan and a car pulled up to me as I was walking. I noticed that the passenger in this car was my high school arch nemesis. Suddenly, something came over me and I began acting like a maniac.… Continue reading You know what they say about assumptions…
I really wanted this “loop” to be about positivity and happiness. I had a few things in mind. But between this being Sexual Assault Survivors Month and putting together an outline for a book about the assault, the torment is taking over. I can’t escape the thoughts and I have decided to go back to therapy… Continue reading Unclean. An uncomfortable discussion.
I have a deep love/hate relationship with alcohol. I love drinking. I love feeling like someone else for a while. I have more confidence after a few drinks and I’m convinced I am much more fun when I’m tipsy. In my mind, I’m hilarious when I’ve got a good buzz going and people really enjoy… Continue reading New levels, old devils. (Same ol’ situation)
Oh 2018, you did a number on me. I cried a lot. My heart ached so much at times that I didn’t know how I was going to recover. I said quite a few “goodbyes” and once or twice, felt as though I was completely unraveling. There was confusion, doubt, despair, desperation, anxiety and fear.… Continue reading Fragile and fierce.
I haven’t written much lately. I guess I haven’t felt inspired. But whenever this happens, I know that if I just give it some time, the universe will speak to me and the words will start flowing again. I write a lot about my journey in finding myself and about trauma and how that has… Continue reading No love for the haters.
There is a word that has become quite popular in the past two years. It’s a word that is the main theme in many of my articles, mainly “The Lingering Effects of Assault”. The word is “trigger” and if you’re a survivor of assault or have PTSD, if you’ve been the victim of a sex… Continue reading Triggered.
I make fun of myself a lot. I do that because it makes me feel better about the things I’m insecure about. And because I don’t want anyone to really know that I’m insecure about it because that just makes me look insecure. Anyways, in recent weeks, I’ve gained a few pounds. OK, more than… Continue reading No, I didn’t let myself go. I just let go.
I’ve been feeling the darkness getting closer lately. Bad thoughts have been crossing my mind. I’ve been struggling with my anxiety and it seems like lately, I don’t really like myself. I’m dwelling on my mistakes, overwhelmed with regrets and just feeling like a failure at life. The strangest part though, is knowing that my… Continue reading A simple text.