Unclean. An uncomfortable discussion.

I really wanted this “loop” to be about positivity and happiness. I had a few things in mind. But between this being Sexual Assault Survivors Month and putting together an outline for a book about the assault, the torment is taking over. I can’t escape the thoughts and I have decided to go back to therapy…

Under construction.

I need to drop some dead weight. Lately I feel like I am being weighed down by too many things that don’t serve me well. I think I’ve made too many lifestyle changes in the past few weeks and it has all caught up to me. I switched my birth control method which has left…

Who can be trusted?

I read a quote today that really resonated with me. “Trust is like a paper. Once it is crumpled, it will never be perfect again.” How true is that? Once trust is broken, things will never be the same. Ever. Even if you fake it, even when you seem happy on the outside, there’s a…

New levels, old devils. (Same ol’ situation)

I have a deep love/hate relationship with alcohol. I love drinking. I love feeling like someone else for a while. I have more confidence after a few drinks and I’m convinced I am much more fun when I’m tipsy. In my mind, I’m hilarious when I’ve got a good buzz going and people really enjoy…

Spiritual warfare.

I spent an hour looking for a meme that I could post to express my anger about all the hate being spewed on social media. I couldn’t find one because they all seemed so mean-spirited and that would just make me a hypocrite. Which sucks because I honestly feel that most of the people who…

Power struggles.

Last night I ran into someone that I hadn’t seen in a while. I knew I would be running into him and I was hesitant because the last time I heard from him, he was bad mouthing me. It hurt back then, especially because I thought we were friends. But, I figured he would be…

Fragile and fierce.

Oh 2018, you did a number on me. I cried a lot. My heart ached so much at times that I didn’t know how I was going to recover. I said quite a few “goodbyes” and once or twice, felt as though I was completely unraveling. There was confusion, doubt, despair, desperation, anxiety and fear….

All I want for Christmas is for it to be over.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Or not. It should be. I get that. But for me, I just can’t wait for it to be over. There are a million reasons to celebrate, but I’m crying more than ever. I’ve had more panic attacks in the last two weeks than I have all…

No love for the haters.

I haven’t written much lately. I guess I haven’t felt inspired. But whenever this happens, I know that if I just give it some time, the universe will speak to me and the words will start flowing again. I write a lot about my journey in finding myself and about trauma and how that has…

Don’t you judge me.

I’m making a vow, right now, to never use someone’s past against them if they have made a conscious effort to be better. We do it all the time. Every day. Especially now that everything seems to be so politically charged. But at what point do we just let go? At what point do we…